Archive for September, 2007
sh*t happens
last week (actually i think it was good friday), we found poo in our porch.
dog poo, we thought.
but now, having seen the kids next door (and their naughty, annoying slightly-older cousin from round the corner) urinating & defecating freely in their garden & on the communal path (under parental supervision – why? the house has two toilets!) we’re convinced it was the kids’ idea of fun.
so, we live in pooh-ville.
not that living here has ever been great, or that this is the worst act of vandalism we’ve encountered (that would be the brick through the living-room window) but it is the most – well, shitty.
the worst thing was, we were having a takeaway delivered when i noticed the ‘deposit’ – i tried to be nonchalant and ignore it whilst tipping heavily.
oh, the shame…
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )bird’s head revisited
bad things happen when i order pizza. i know this.
there was the time the pizza delivery man’s visit coincided EXACTLY with me finding faeces of unknown origin in our porch. but that didn’t creep me out as much as the occasion i’m going to tell you about now, which is not for the delicate or the bird-loving among you. (sorry!)
our oldest cat rumpleteaser (rest in peace) went through a phase a couple of years ago of killing a bird every few weeks, and bringing us the remains – always on a thursday. actually we think he sometimes just located a dead bird and arranged it for our viewing pleasure but either way, the effect was the same:
vile, disturbing, deathly.
so, on this particular day… he ups the ante and brings home not just a dead bird, but a dead and dismembered bird in several pieces, most prominent of which is the head, in our porch, with that thick pink veiny thing (technical term alert!) that once attached the head to its birdy body clearly visible. yeurch.
my mum, thankfully, moved the remains. (another reason i couldn’t be a mother. i don’t want to be the person who does these things).
that was the end of that, right?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )unemployed lesbians need not apply
july 2006
sometimes you’re in the midst of a situation so horribly demoralising that the only way to survive it is to imagine how you’re going to blog about it. that was how i coped with today’s hair disaster. it wasn’t a hair disaster in the standard sense: my hair looks GOOD. bloody good, in fact one of the best cuts i’ve ever had. but is the end result worth it if your self esteem is chopped to pieces along with all your excess hair?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )what a glorious feeling!
july 2007
part one
OH. MY. GOD. what a day monday 25 june was.
like something from a film, or a war, or the coming of the apocalypse.
a lot of people went through a lot worse, but this is my story…
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )the apprentice: the final reckoning!
june 2007 via tvscoop.tv
LIVEBLOG: The Apprentice Final, BBC1, Wednesday, 9pm
Bum-be-bum-be-bum-be-bum… (That’s me singing the theme tune in excited anticipation if you weren’t quite sure). After twelve weeks in which we were introduced to doggy backpacks, the worst display of live-on-TV sales in the entire world ever and of course… Tre it’s almost time to wave goodbye to Surallen, Nick, Margaret and all the hapless candidates. But not before either Simon or Kristina is offered the brilliant prize of a job with Sir Alan Sugar. Who will win?
Join me as I LIVEBLOG The Apprentice: The Final!
9.00 Bum-be-bum-be-bum-be-bum… long opening, usual rehash, reminder of last week’s "grilling". Simon and Kristina are at the house, chatting and packing and comparing wins and losses. Guess what? It’s Simon’s "dream" to win The Apprentice. WHAT an original thought. Kristina’s got one too: she doesn’t want to lose.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( None so far )secrets and lies
december 2006
i’ve recently learned what a rebel my maternal grandfather is. we have a family secret: when my gramps met my grandma, he was already divorced! from his ex-wife, who left him for another man. (i know, it’s not the biggest scandal you’ve ever heard but work with me here. we’re not a family who even has hobbies so a secret of this magnitude is major).
everybody in the family (including me, NOW) knows about it but both his kids found out by accident and he doesn’t know they know.
that we know of.
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